I have known that God has been working on my heart! The last few weeks have been intense in ways and yet so freeing in others. From the time I was little I have taken in every stray that crossed my path(sorry mom and Dad). I loved every child no matter how God made them. I couldn’t say “no” to helping others, I volunteered, I gave goodie bags to homeless people. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 13 and loved Him like crazy! I never cared what other people thought of me(sorry to those I may have hurt with my careless words). I’ve never been one to care about material things.
Along the path of life circumstances have changed and shaped me. Some bad and some GOOD! My job and experiences with our child welfare system haves scarred me to the very core of my being. I have prayed over countless children and their families, celebrated the triumphs with them and been completelybroken with them during the bad stuff. I married my best friend, lost a baby, gave birth to four beautiful daughters! God called us to orphan care, we welcomed foster children and then had to say our goodbyes, we traveled across the world to meet our 5th daughter and she is absolutely perfect in every way!
These things made me stronger, but left me hardened in many ways. About 19 months ago God called us to adopt again…..little did we know this would be our toughest adventure thus far! Through saying yes, we would lose our house, neighbors and all things normal, comfortable, familiar and this mama would nearly lose herself in the midst of the clutter, chaos and pURPle!
All joking aside, here I am a grown woman, doing what God called me to do, but so caught up in my own grief and pity, that I can barely function. Real mature(as Trav would say)! I forgot all about the joy to be found in every situation. There have been glimpses of joy. God has tried to show me that I am still his princess, but I was too busy! By allowing the devil to steal my joy, I missed out on the excitement and anticipation of expecting our precious sons! Stripped of this joy and contentment, I became somewhat of a robot. I tried, but refused to let God fully take over.
Over the past 18 months I have been teaching my children by example to be ungrateful, disrespectful and quite frankly, exactly “how not to” handle a stressful situation. Lord forgive me! I see that my ways are wrong and have caused unnecessary turmoil in our family. Thank you for covering us with grace! Isn’t it amazing how Gods grace heals even when we mess up!
Please, if you catch me being negative, challenge me to seek the positive!
Things I love about our current dwelling: listening to he trains, being able to walk to the pond, the hours and hours of mowing!
It is time for a change in this mommy!! God has shown our children and myself the “old” compassionate, loving, daughter of the King!
Friends, miracles are happening in our family(that’s another post)!
Just a HUGE hug to you, and I could totally relate! Thanks for your honesty. I needed to hear that .
Blessings to you dear! I’d love to see the next post soon ❤
This. Excepting brokeness and growing through it. Beautiful. God is intentional in His drawing us to Him..allowing us to see how we cannot do ‘life’ all by our selves..we desperately need Him! And He desperately loves us!